So - I'm feeling heavier. I decided to get on the scales this morning. I can't weigh in Saturday because of my 10K so I will weigh in today. OH MY HECK. I'm up almost 2.5 pounds.

I can pinpoint it to the calorie. Sweets. Cookies, cookies, candy corn, cobbler, cinnamon roll....

So I ran. I only ran two miles but I ran. I didn't get back in bed. I ran and I thought. I thought about what this journey means. What does it mean? Where am I going? How far am I going?

Why is the 50 pound mark so elusive to me? Do I want to quit?

What does it mean? It means a healthier life. It means a physical life. It means self control.

Where am I going? This one is hard - I've never been there before. I am going.....

How far am I going? Until I die - I don't want this to end. I like being active. I like how I feel. I want to be an example for my boys and my little girl. I want to make it to the end.

Why is the 50 pound mark so elusive to me? This is a number. Numbers get me stuck. It's like 239 - I always got stuck on 239 pounds before. What can I focus on to get me past the 50 pound mark??

Do I want to quit? My answer keeps coming back NO! Don't quit. Don't go back. Push. Push forward.

So - October you are the month of change. In the past you were the month to build up my fat so I could hibernate all winter long. Change - October, you will never be to me what you were in the past.

Where am I going? I am going to the 209 mark - October 31, 2010.

What do I need to do? Physically - Keep running. Keep Shredding.

How will this happen? No sweets - this means you - cookies, candy, cinnamon rolls and yes I'm include you - white bread!

I will be weighing - Not getting on the scales let me slip - I know, I know... it was liberating the first week. In my mind I was okay. I was tracking and I was within my points - this week I used all my flex points - I must go back to the quality of my points. Points are not created equal!