Crossing the Bridge

So here I sit. I had my weigh in today. Up 0.4 pounds. Minimal. Not to worried about it. Once my body starts clicking again it will be fine. Recovering from Red Rock is slow. I am old.

I have been having a mental battle all week. There is this fat person still inside. I'm sorry if that is offensive but it's true. This journey has been long. Fat me has been my companion for most of the way. For most of my life. I've got to get rid of the "fat me". I don't want her back. I want to push on. Continue the journey without her. In order to finish this journey I have to be on my own. New me pushing forward - taking charge.

I am sitting here in a size 12 jean. When have I ever been able to say that? Never. My face is different. My hands are different. My legs are different. For heck's sake my chest is different. When can I mentally let go? Push on and continue to live the life that I've worked so hard for.

As I ran Red Rock and rode in the van watching I people watched. So many people. All shapes and sizes. Some running for years. Some just starting. Some with a "born to run" body. Some with a "born to watch tv body". The entire time I feel like I associated with the latter. There was one girl in particular with a Utah Valley Marathon shirt on. One just like mine. Over a body that used to be just like mine. I know that's not my form any more. I know it. I just don't see it. When I look in the mirror, when I shower, when I'm changing. I know there is a mental bridge that I need to cross. How does that happen? How do I cross that bridge?