Have I talked about Ragnar? I can't remember. I've kept it to myself because I didn't know if it would happen. I've got a friend who's got a team and needed some extra runners. I've always wanted to do it so when he asked I was so excited and said if I could I would love to. He called again Friday and asked and I expressed my concern about my half the week before but again, I would love too.

Yesterday I was outside talking to his wife (we are great friends, really) and she talked about training and what she was running. I asked what she was training for and she said Ragnar. I felt like I had been punched - I knew then that if I was running I would have known. All of my friends are running with him.

So this brings up years of crappy memories. Lots of crappy thoughts. I am going back to high school. (I guess I'm blessed that I really have to dig back 20 years) I am slow. I know. I do have the half a week before. I ran 13 miles last Friday and I actually feel really great. I know I could do it. I know nothing was done to be mean. I just can't help feeling bad, left out, sad - - I cried over this - - I need to get over it and get on with it.

They asked me to run with them this morning. No part of me wanted to go. None. I don't want to hear about what leg they are running. I don't want to hear it. I want to be a part of it.

I did go run. It was early. It was nice to have company. I ran up a hill that a year ago would have killed me. I ran up the entire hill. Slowly but up the entire hill.

Long story short. Friends are more important. They are. I will just keep this to myself and the rest of the millions on the internet.

My focus - Utah Valley Half Marathon. I am excited for this. It's going to be good. My goal is to enjoy it. Have fun. Don't worry so much about running alone, actually starting alone, and have fun.

Everything will work out and I will be blessed to still have my great friends. I just need to tell my brain to shut down.

Today is my oldest son's birthday -- 11 years ago today I was a mom for the first time. The biggest blessing of my life! I love being a mom. Even more -- I love being an active mom!