Day 1 - Positive Changes

"I am an optimist.  If you dwell on the negative it will hurt you, depress you and really destroy you.  I you work on the positive and dwell on it and seek to bring it to pass, it will make you  lighter and brighter, younger and more vigorous.  That's my feeling and that's my program." President Hinckley.

 I love this quote.  It was the quote that got me started on my journey last time.  I know there were several pieces of my weight loss puzzle.  I know that this time won't be the same.  I just have to start somewhere.  This morning I got on the scale - it was 234 pounds.  I can tell you how I got back to this point physically.  Mentally, I just don't understand how I could let myself get here again.

I set some goals for today, not for the week, TODAY.  I can make today count. I don't have to worry about tomorrow, this week or this month.  TODAY is my focus.
1.  Drink 3 - 48 ounce water bottles.
2.  RUN - WALK - MOVE.  Just move.  Do something for 30 minutes today.
3.  Plan.  Plan.  Plan.  Follow the plan.
4. TRACK
5.  Be positive.
6.  Blog.

I can do this.  I planned out my meals.  I've got to learn to love food again.  Learn to enjoy cooking again.  I can do it.  I can buy foods that are fuel and not crap.

Attending my weight watchers meetings was HUGE last journey.  It will be again.  I have it scheduled on my calendar.  I have running scheduled on my calendar.  I need structure and I need time for me.  This is for me.  This is so I can be an example to my kids.  I want them to feel good.  I want them to know good eating habits.  I want them to want to move more and have less screen time.  I love my life.  I love my family.  It's time to love me.  Love me enough to fight for a healthy life.

I DID IT!  One day down.  One day at a time.  On to tomorrow!

Mental Workout

I'm tracking, I'm still doing Weight Watchers.  I just keep fighting myself.  I have no desire to workout because I don't see results in the scale. 
Sugar is my demon and I don't have an answer.  I try daily to go without it and cave in the afternoon and in the evenings.
It's frustrating.
In the meantime, I just watch the numbers on the scale increase. 
Running is hard.  I'm too heavy.  I still love it.  It still feels great.  It's just a lot of work.
Yes, this is a negative post.  Sorry. 
This is all such a mental game.

Day 4 & Day 5 WW

Yesterday went well.  Sugar is the demon I am fighting.  It will happen.  I'm tracking everything and that's been eye opening!
A friend posted this picture yesterday.  I loved it.  It's not just moving daily - what else am I doing on a daily basis that's affecting my health?  SUGAR.  Sugar needs to be the reverse.  It needs to be eaten occasionally.  What other habits do I need to change from daily to occasional and vice versa?

It's the end of the day.  I had three small cookies.  Sugar.  I can't afford to eat it.  I'm using my daily points and my weekly points.  I've got to say no.  Somehow...

Day 3 WW

My alarm rang at 4:30 AM.  I had prepared last night.  I had everything ready to go.  I just couldn't get out of bed.  It's okay.  I got to run outside this morning.  That's the best reward ever.  I started and ended my run with these beautiful white blossoms that smelled so good.  It was a good choice to sleep longer.
I've been thinking a lot about weight loss.  I've decided that the beginning of my weight gain was when I reached life time at Weight Watchers.  Reaching life time was a culminating event.  I'd worked so hard for that number.  In reality, the number wasn't the achievement.  My achievement was establishing routines and habits that had allowed me to be healthy and active.  I loved how I felt.  I loved being able to run and feel great.  I loved the confidence I felt when I made good food choices.  I miss that - I miss it a lot.  Can I be that person again?  Of course I can.  Is it a day away?  A month?  Unfortunately, it's not.  That's okay.  I can do hard things.  I can put the time in that it will take to be healthy and happy again.
What can I do today to make today awesome?  What can I do to make today a success?
1.  Track.  Today I will track everything I eat.  I will weigh and measure the food I eat.
2.  Water.  Today I will drink 3 water bottles of water.
3.  End of day.  Today I will not eat after 7 PM
4.  Move.  Today I moved.  I ran and felt great.  This week my cardio will last at least 45 minutes.

I can do this.  I will do this.  I can do hard things.

Day 2 WW

I went to my first return meeting to Weight Watchers.  I'm not going to lie.  Getting on the scale sucked.  Bad. 
I think I'm going to like the new program.  It really focuses on lean proteins, fruits and veggies.  It's expensive to eat crap - the points are high.
The meeting was interesting, about 20 people in attendance.  One employee I knew.  She was awesome and remembered me. 
I tracked yesterday and I tracked today.  I did eat sweets - they got tracked.
It's about accountability and self control.  I lack self control in so many aspects of my life.  It's time to figure life out again.  Get centered and get back to me - the real me - the happy me.  I miss that me.

I am at my heaviest weight in 6 years.  I ran this morning and I just kept thinking, "I can't do this.  I'm too fat.  This is too hard."
What the heck?  Here I was on a trail in a beautiful place on a wonderful day.  It was perfect to run.  I got to the top of my first hill, I wasn't going to quit.  Positive.  I kept thinking I have to be positive.  I kept saying the words I CAN.  I CAN DO THIS.  It took me 22 minutes but I got to the top of my second hill.  I stopped my watch and just looked around.  I live in a beautiful place at a time when I have so many opportunities.

 I have to look forward.  

I need to be positive.

I have a couple friends who have lost a lot on hcg - it is so tempting to me right now.  You don't even know how badly I want the magic pill.  I need to fit into clothes I love.  I want to look in the mirror and be happy with myself.  No magic pill will do this.  I know this.  I know that I need everything I learn along the way to help me with a healthy lifestyle.  I know that I need the confidence that builds each time I turn down a sugary treat.  I know that I need the satisfaction I get at the end of a workout.  I know that establishing habits and planning are the keys to keeping me moving and healthy - not a magic pill.  It's time for some goals.

I can do this.

I will do this. 

Tomorrow I will go to Weight Watchers.  I joined online but it's just not what I need.  I need accountability.  I need people around me who share my struggles.  I need the help from people who have been there.  Here I go.

Sunday - Day 1 of Choices

No choice in the journey in insignifcant.  Every choice matters.  Every choice is part of a snoball.  Choices build, create and shape.  What choices will I make today?
Breakfast - focus on protein.  Eggs with sausage sprinkled on top.
Lunch - Chicken quesadilla
Snack - Protein Shake
Dinner - Taco Salad
A plan is important.  I made the choice to plan.  I will choose to track and stick to my plan.
Choose water and tracking today!